


breathe in, breathe out (i'll allow myself this)

by anirissky



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Mild Language, Panic, Papillon/Hawkmoth (mentioned), The rest of the Miraculous team is mentioned, Though everyone's most likely heard by now, probably not Season 2 compliant, slight season 2 spoilers, the beginnings of a panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 04:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13159392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anirissky/pseuds/anirissky
Summary: "'Partners', he said. Like it meant something to him."A decision has been made, one that willchange the course of this Miraculous war in ways that can only begin to be imagined. Marinette sits in the aftermath, just wanting to know why.





	breathe in, breathe out (i'll allow myself this)

**Author's Note:**

> There has been speculation about our favorite black cat, and the repeated mention of a "civil war." I wanted to explore what Marinette would have to say about this development. 
> 
> Heads up for some mild language and the depiction of the beginnings of a panic attack. 
> 
> I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammatical mistakes. This is super choppy right now.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was in shock, to say the least. In reality, the young woman was experiencing a myriad of emotions, all bleeding into one another so that she could scarcely distinguish between them. She would recognize the stabs of hurt one moment, be overcome by an intense longing the next, and caught in pure confusion still after. All the while her thoughts circled in her head not unlike a raging hurricane. She was everything all at once, yet with a persisting nothingness in her core. 

Marinette did not know how to possibly begin to describe this to Fu, however, so she remained silent, sitting stock still on the ground as the master guarded the teapot in the kitchen adjacent.

Breathe, she tried to tell herself sternly. But even the thought was weak, and she struggled to focus on breathing in the warm air of the shop, breathing out, breathing in, breathing out. 

Breatheinbreathein- 

There it was again. Feelings welled up inside her, the erratic ebb and flow that had her tearing at the seams. 

A gentle touch lighted upon her shoulder. Marinette drew in a short, shaky breath, and a small, solid weight began to move back and forth, back and forth against the material of her blazer. Marinette looked down at Tikki. Usually in times of distress, Tikki would have offered words of comfort by now, precepts tried and true throughout the centuries, but the kwami seemed to know it wouldn't do the situation any good this time around. Instead, she continued to give Marinette feather-light pats in her steadfast rhythm.

It grounded Marinette somewhat, but still the young woman could only hear her uneven exhalations, the slightest shifting of fabric, and the fainting clattering of dishes in the kitchen. She knew if she had the energy to look across the room she would see the old gramophone, glinting in the faint light through the glass doors. The record would not be spinning, and it would not spin for the duration of the evening.

Silence hung heavily, much too heavily, Marinette thought, than the little shop ought to be able to hold. Words piled up in Marinette's mouth, questions and unsaid truths and mindless observations, but she said nothing. She held back the whispers, the murmurings, the screams, and sat still in the choking silence.

The whistling of the teapot pierced through her thoughts.

Marinette almost wanted to sigh, an intense, incomprehensible relief washing over her and soothing her frayed nerves. Tikki glanced up at her chosen with undisguised worry, and Marinette thought to give her kwami a smile, but the disconnect persisted, and the thought remained just that. 

Master Fu shuffled into the main room some time later, holding a cup of tea in each hand. He set one down in front of her and the other at his end of the table. His eyes became level with hers as he settled, but Marinette stared resolutely down at her tea. She saw her hand reach out and tap the table. Fu nodded in her periphery, accepting her thanks.

The aromatic steam curled around her hand as it brushed against the porcelain cup. It would be too hot to drink for a couple of minutes, but she appreciated the warmth it radiated. After a time of breathing in, breathing out the calming scent, Marinette found the strength the look up. Master Fu met her gaze silently, waiting for her to... well, do anything, she supposed.

The conversation would have to come sometime, someday, and just the thought of it inspired that feeling in Marinette, to run, to hide, to give in. But she forced herself to stay seated, to focus on the hard lines of Master Fu's face, his dark, understanding eyes, the grey hair laying limp across his forehead. He nodded again, and abruptly, as if that was all her body had needed for permission, it all went rushing out of her.

"I-i can't believe he's done this," Marinette gasped, tightening her grip on the cup and ignoring how it seared her palm. "After all w-we've been through. All of the progress we've made."

Master Fu remained silent, letting her speak her piece without interruption. 

Marinette squeezed her eyes shut, tears finally beginning to fall.

"I-i just... 'partners'", she spat. "'Partners', he said. Like it meant something to him."

She wiped at her eyes with her other hand, opening them to glare down at the table. "Damn it," she whispered. 

"Hawkmoth's strengths lie in manipulation; they always have," Fu mused, raising a hand to run it through his scraggly beard. "Ad-"

He cut himself off at Marinette's wince.

"...he believes he is doing the right thing, for whatever justification he has been convinced of. It is hard to say what that might be, however..."

Here Master Fu's face softened. He reached out and tugged Marinette's hand away from the cup in a silent command to look at him. Marinette complied, resting her hand on the tabletop and blinking blearily back at the guardian she had come to rely on.

"If he was led to Hawkmoth's side by reasoning, there is a chance he could be brought back in the same way."

Marinette sniffed. She said nothing, and neither did he. 

Later, the words would come. She would have to move forward. She would have to think methodically and objectively, come to terms with the simple facts of this development. The team would be looking toward her to give the command. 

But for now, behind locked doors, chasing the warmth of her steadily cooling tea, she would allow herself this.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize if the characters are OOC, I haven't written for Miraculous in what feels like forever. I'm all jazzed for the rest of Season 2 though, and with all this foreshadowing apparently going on, I wanted to explore a darker dynamic to the show. 
> 
> I plan to write more for Miraculous in the near future, so stay tuned! I hope you enjoyed this emotional mess.


End file.
